Sexykiller, moriras por ella (2008)

Murder is in this season. Don't act like you didn't know.

Director: Miguel Marti
Studio: Ensueno Films
Genre: Horror/Comedy
Country of Release: Spain
Year of Release: 2008

Serial killers are so in right now. Equally as in as the latest fashion if the Spanish Horror-Comedy Sexykiller is to be believed. That's right, I watched a movie called Sexykiller and am writing a review about it with a straight face. If you're in the mood for titillating and murderous comedy of a largely satirical sense, please keep reading as this may very well be the film for you.

The movie is about a young medical student named Barbara who is as narcissistic, vain, and self-absorbed as she is charismatic and engaging. You see Barbara is a young woman who is really into fashion, she's also really into killing as she doubles as a serial killer on her campus that the authorities can't seem to track. There's also a love story and a zombie flick in here but I won't spoil those. Actress, Macarena Gomez's portrayal is the spotlight of the film as she makes Barbara a remarkably entertaining character with her shallow explanations of her actions and her breaking of the 4th wall to address the audience about what's happening on the screen. The film's tagline which refers to her as Paris Hilton meets Hannibal Lector may sound silly at first but it may very well be the perfect way to explain Barbara's character.

The humor of the film is often crass, tasteless, and ridiculously politically incorrect but then again you're watching a film about an egocentric, fashion-obsessed, borderline nympho serial killer so such a tone really shouldn't come as a surprise. The script is loaded with tributes, homages, and jokes that fans of horror films will have a ball with but the film is kinetic, witty, and funny enough on its own that you don't need to get every reference to enjoy the film. They certainly add another layer though. One thing of particular mention is the costume design of this film, in a film regarding a protagonist who is a fashionista the costumes should stand out. And they do, Barbara is in a different outfit in nearly every scene and they're all so bright that they contrast largely with her habit of being a serial killer. A lot of the settings of the film have the same sort of vibrant colors of Barbara's outfits and give the film a rather surreal tone.

To be honest, it's perhaps a bit tame for a movie about a serial killer. There's an ample amount of blood and some violent scenes but none of it is ever played to shock or gross out the audience like other films of similar subject material. There are numerous sex scenes throughout the film as well but most of them are so subdued that if you're watching this movie for erotic qualities and not its humor, you're wasting your time. There are a few subplots that are sadly underdeveloped and probably could have been cut for time but its not that big a deal when all is said and done with the film.

It's not a masterpiece or anything but it's a fun little film from beginning to end. The kind of movie that you put on when you just want to chill and watch something amusing and with ample amounts of action. Sexykiller is the kind of film that is obviously made to hit home more with cult audiences than with mainstream audiences and from the response its gotten thus far, I think it's accomplishing its mission. Before you check out Sexykiller change out of those tired clothes and into something more fabulous, life is colorful just like a good kill. Wouldn't you agree?

Rating: 8/10

Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever (2002)

This would SO be in 3D if it came out today. You just know it would be.

Director: Wych Kaosayanada (credited simply as "Kaos")
Studio: Warner Bros. Pictures
Genre: Action
Country of Release: United States
Year of Release: 2002

I thought the fact that it had a 0% on Rotten Tomatoes couldn't possibly be true. I see it was. I think the best way to explain this movie would be that it is "Explosions: The Movie". That's literally all there is to this movie. Explosions. There's really stale acting from Antonio Banderas and Lucy Liu (who I really am starting to believe should be thankful she has a career whatsoever), a plot that is predictable, cliche-ridden (Seriously this takes cues form every bio-terrorist plotline ever) with plotholes and is just seriously nowhere near entertaining or original. There isn't even anything resembling character development (We never really learn remotely anything whatsoever about Ecks or Sever as people or much about their actual grudge against each other).

There's a soundtrack with lots of fast-paced electronic club music that doesn't fit with the scenes whatsoever and creates a sense of really, really severe soundtrack dissonance (but not in the intentional mood-setting way, just in the this was a horrible choice of music way). This is the epitome of a STUPID Hollywood Blockbuster...except oh wait, it flopped completely. Seriously, "Explosions: The Movie" really is the only way to accurately describe how empty and forcing itself to try to be cool this movie was.

Do yourself a favor. Just don't watch it. Seriously, it's not entertaining even as an action flick because the fight choreography is all ridiculously familiar and not the least bit cool to watch compared to action movies where there at least is a competent plot at work. I hate to completely bash a work but sadly, bash is the only thing I can do in regards to this film. I literally can't think of a single positive thing about it. Sorry, I can't. Whoever directed this apparently won't take credit for being involved as the position is just listed as being done by "Kaos" in the opening credits. It took research to find out a guy named Wych Kaosayanada was apparently behind this.

...The only way one could enjoy this would be if they completely blocked out all the parts of a movie besides explosions and fight scenes and then at that point does it even qualify as a movie anymore? Which is why I give it a 0/10, the only way to enjoy if you're trying to give a serious critique it is to not judge it based on cinematic standards whatsoever. Everyone who takes up for this movie is ignoring the fact that a film consists of more than just one type of scene and the way it's filmed.

Rating: 0/10 (This is the only film I've reviewed so far to earn this "honor")

Scott Pilgrim vs. the World (2010)

"If you want something bad, you have to fight for it. Step up your game, Scott. Break out the L-word."

Director: Edgar Wright
Studio: Big Talk Films/Relativity Media
Genre: Comedy/Action
Country of Release: United States
Year of Release: 2010

I will begin by saying I was incredibly hyped to see this film, I had read the graphic novels and quite enjoyed them. I will continue by saying that although the film was good and unique, there are definitely some flaws in it. Scott Pilgrim is the story of a young man who has just met his self-described girl of his dreams and before being able to date her, he must first face her seven evil exes who want nothing more than to kill him. The film is interestingly an alternative culture refuge with something for video game fans, indie rock fans, hipsters, and even comic book fans to get something from. However, this is the initial and greatest flaw of the film as far as I'm concerned.

While the film does a wonderful job of being entertaining for its target audiences through all of its jokes and references, somewhere along the line the idea of character development went straight out the window. We are introduced to a rather large cast of characters but the majority of them have next to no lines and absolutely nothing in the way of defining characterization outside of our initial impression of them. The film is stylish yes (with its use of on-screen text, video game sound effects and visuals and just general tone) but in terms of substance, something is just missing. It feels almost as if the film is pandering to impress its target demographic more than trying to tell its own story at portions of the film. Scott Pilgrim is an underdog romantic comedy/action flick but the lack of any character development for anyone besides Scott leaves the romantic subtext of the movie coming across as ultimately shallow even though there are some interesting concepts about how to make a relationship work presented.

The script really is witty yet at the same time just too fast-paced, I understand that it's hard to fit the content of six graphic novel volumes into a nearly two hour movie but the film moves at such a fast pace that it becomes even more surreal and hard to take in at moments than the premise already is. Some of the jokes and acting are perhaps a bit too campy for their own good (possibly creating a few more groans than laughs depending on your sense of humor) even though I realize this was largely on purpose, both overall work for what the film is trying to accomplish though. I will give total props to the well crafted and memorable score and soundtrack of the film however. It manages to fit both the video game influences and garage rock influences of the film perfectly.

Though there is apparently some word from several reviewers, the cast, and even the original creator himself that the film is perhaps to be taken as being completely from Scott's perspective in his head, this adds an interesting twist to the story and while it does potentially explain the lack of characterization for everyone else, it is not exactly something that is obvious enough while viewing the film to stop such an interpretation from changing my final opinion. A good movie that manages to be fun but not an utterly fantastic movie even for its target demographic.

Rating: 7.5/10

A Tale of Two Sisters (2003)

Love thy sister, after all blood runs thicker than water...it's way more scary to see anyway as well.

Director: Kim Ji-woon
Studio: N/A
Genre: Psychological Horror/Thriller/Drama
Country of Release: South Korea
Year of Release: 2003

Amazing, brilliant, fantastic, tragic, and touching (If you can't tell, I really liked this one) Korean psychological horror movie about two sisters who go to live with their estranged father and abusive stepmother in the country side in a strange house where odd things keep happening. This movie creates a sense of dread and never lets it go. The sense of mood created here is nothing less than absolutely incredible and is a huge part of what made this movie so strong besides the fact that everything just comes together almost flawlessly. It's not exactly a horror in the traditional sense however, the true sense of horror from this film doesn't come from what you would expect but rather what actually happened. This will make sense after you see the film.

The sound, the lighting, the pacing, everything just adds to the final effect to make the mood that leads up to the surprising climax just that more effective. The cinematography is beautiful, it also helps to set the tone and makes for some gorgeous settings (color is used very well in this film). The acting is top notch, you just feel the tension between the sisters and the stepmother right from the beginning and it's all very well-written.

However, this is a movie that explaining too much about spoils everything and takes away from the power of the film itself. So you get a rather short review because I'd rather not spoil anything from this amazingly touching yet shocking movie. Honestly, this movie is hard to review just because a discussion of any specific part of it may give something crucial away.

Though, it's not for the less patient and more easily confused viewers, then again...most psychological horror isn't. If you're not a fan of tension and build-up, stay far, far away from this film. Only thing stopping me from giving it a perfect 10 is that there were some moments near the end of the film that were a bit ambiguous and hard to understand just when one thought they understood everything about the film. Oh also, apparently the film is based very loosely on a Korean folktale but I'm not the least bit familiar with that unfortunately.

I'll make sure to check out some more of director, Kim Ji-woon's work for sure especially since his mob film, A Bittersweet Life also has received quite a bit in terms of accolades.

Rating: 9.5/10

Pulp Fiction (1994)

"Now I'm thinkin', it could mean you're the evil man. And I'm the righteous man. And Mr. 9mm here, he's the shepherd protecting my righteous ass in the valley of darkness. Or it could be you're the righteous man and I'm the shepherd and it's the world that's evil and selfish. I'd like that. But that shit ain't the truth. The truth is you're the weak. And I'm the tyranny of evil men. But I'm tryin'. I'm tryin' real hard to be a shepherd."

Director: Quentin Tarantino
Studio: Miramax Films
Genre: Crime Drama
Country of Release: United States
Year of Release: 1994

Quentin Tarantino's magnum opus, I easily can say that I don't believe the man will ever make another movie this good ever again. That's okay though when your best film is this good. Pulp Fiction contains easily some of the wittiest, most natural, best delivered dialogue I've ever heard in a movie ever. Rather hard to define by genre though given that it has elements of film noir (and by extension, neo-noir), black comedy, and an almost independent film like production and direction quality (I mean this in a very positive way) even though it's a major studio picture.

It's highly referential to pop culture and gritty but that makes it all the more believable and really is a huge part of why this film is so great. It's ultra-violent, ultra-cynical, and immensely enjoyable even if it is rather self-indulgent in a sense. That's the thing about Tarantino's films though, they're the pinnacle of cinema as entertainment even if they're not exactly typically the highest when it comes to artistic or philosophical merit (though they do contain more than many detractors give them credit for).

The anachronistic narrative is something that Quentin Tarantino has become largely known for and Pulp Fiction shows us how well such a narrative style can be used, the intersecting and diverging lives of all these characters that he introduces us to never really becomes boring to watch and it manages to keep us entertained for the entire movie which runs a bit longer (Slightly over 2 and a half hours long) than I usually like most of my movies to. The characters, acting, and plot are all solid enough to have kept my interest the entire time though and the running time becomes not that big a deal due to the level of immersion the film gives off to its audience.


A soundtrack crafted that fits the tone of the film and at the same time helps to establish and give it the nature of films from the period that it is largely a tribute to. Not much to say really as most already either love or hate this film and I now firmly can understand why the faithful stand so strongly by it. It's a loving referential piece that has no problems telling you where it came from and who inspired it but at the same time, it stands remarkably on its own and is just as well-crafted as the sort of films that inspired it in the first place.

Also, Samuel L Jackson's best performance ever in my opinion and Uma Thurman was REALLY hot in this movie like so hot I can forgive how stupid she looked in Batman & Robin and how dull she was in Kill Bill. And that in itself is a testament to Pulp Fiction.

Rating: 9.5/10

After.Life (2010)

Life after death is...more life? Wait...what?

Director: Agnieszka Wojtowicz-Vosloo
Studio: Lleju Productions/Harbor Light Entertainment/Plum Pictures
Genre: Psychological Horror/Thriller
Country of Release: United States
Year of Release: 2010

The first feature length film from director Agnieszka Wojtowicz-Vosloo (whose name I hope to never have to type again in my life) is a psychological horror film about a young woman played by Christina Ricci, who ends up in a morgue after a car accident and questions if she is alive or dead while interacting with a rather creepy mortician played by Liam Neeson. Do you like movies that like to play with your mind? If you do, you may possibly love After.Life as that is the entire premises of the film.

We are introduced to a completely unlikable character who we don't really care if she is alive or dead but the film goes back and forth playing with the viewer's head making them wonder if she's alive and being brainwashed into thinking she's dead by a serial killer or if she's dead and interacting with a man who has an ability to speak with the deceased. Oh, and her grieving boyfriend is unable to accept her death and tries to uncover the truth about what happened to her. On paper this sounds like a brilliant idea for a movie but when the entire film consists of an hour and a half worth of constantly switching the viewer's perspective of "OH SHE'S ALIVE", "NO WAIT, SHE'S DEAD", "NOPE, DEFINITELY ALIVE", it grows thin.

There is only so much of such a concept that one can take before they become bored and no longer care, that is the other problem with After.Life. It is not particularly entertaining, there aren't remotely enough scares or even disturbing moments really to make it entertaining in the least bit but there isn't enough depth given to the subject matter to make it much of a thinking movie either. In fact, I received a headache trying to think through this movie as watching it and I suspect others very well may also experience at least some sort of frustration at such an unrelenting gimmick.

The film tries to touch on the concept of getting people to appreciate the time that they have while they're still alive but it never goes further than a few very simple conversations that are immediately undermined by the return to the less than subtle mindscrew the film is based upon. Also, any particular depth and seriousness is also undermined by rather pointless exploitation-esque scenes of Ricci completely naked for no remote plot reason other than forced sex appeal. That's not to say that it's a particularly badly made film, there's nice detail given to all the scenes within the morgue and Liam Neeson's character manages to portray just the absolute perfect balance where we can't tell if he's benevolent or malevolent. The script just focuses too much on messing with the viewer's head instead of actually delivering much of any content from a horror or psychological perspective. I love mindscrew films but not when the mindscrew factor takes over everything else and when taking away it, you have an ultimately shallow film.

However, the mindscrew basis that the film refuses to relent on whatsoever and refuses to give us a definitive answer for at the end of the film is what hurts the film to the point where it becomes slightly obnoxious to watch all the way through. There's definitely potential for Wojtowicz-Vosloo as a director but a more subtle, less forced, and more purposeful piece than After.Life will be necessary.

Rating: 4.5/10

Deadgirl (2008)

Protip: Sex with zombies just isn't a good idea. Now you know.

Directors: Marcel Sarmiento & Gadi Harel
Studio: Hollywoodmade
Genre: Horror
Country of Release: United States
Year of Release: 2008

Just like The Human Centipede this is another independent horror film I've heard a lot about based on the concept itself. And just like The Human Centipede it failed to impress me whatsoever. The basic plot of this movie is that two socially inept and perpetually horny teenage guys find an unconscious, naked woman tied up to a bed in an abandoned building. They discover that she cannot die no matter how much physical abuse she is given. Being the horny and completely unlikable characters they are, they proceed to treat this "undead" girl as their sex slave. Proceed to lots of scenes of these morons having sex with this woman.

The movie actually almost had something interesting to say about the sexual drives of adolescent men and the objectification of women but due to very naive dialogue (consisting heavily of the word "fuck" every other sentence), lack of anything resembling a sympathetic character, and a poor direction that turns it into a typical zombie splatterfest in its last third it manages to not really accomplish anything. The movie itself is visually unappealing and has a sort of grainy quality to it, the only visuals worth noting are the actually not bad at all make-up and scar effects (from all of the abuse that she takes) on the "deadgirl" of the title.

It was truly an interesting idea and an interesting angle to explore but handled with no maturity whatsoever and nothing that makes it into anything but an over-glorified zombie porn. As far as horror and gore goes, there is some decent gore and some tense yet predictable moments but it's so late into the movie and you have to go through so many uninteresting interactions between unlikable characters that it just isn't worth it. The soundtrack actually captures the mood and youth of the main characters well but isn't particularly memorable.

It's about on the same tier as The Human Centipede but I subtracted .5 because The Human Centipede managed to be sorta amusing in a depraved way while Deadgirl is just a dull, wannabe erotic cliche-fest that manages to be potentially offensive to males in its portrayal of us and offensive to women from the sexual abuse portrayed on a "helpless" woman. Interesting concept but totally dead on the inside without the concept (the fact that the movie never actually comments on its own idea and instead just rolls with it is the nail in the coffin that makes me unable to appreciate this one whatsoever).

Rating: 3.5/10