After.Life (2010)

Life after death is...more life? Wait...what?

Director: Agnieszka Wojtowicz-Vosloo
Studio: Lleju Productions/Harbor Light Entertainment/Plum Pictures
Genre: Psychological Horror/Thriller
Country of Release: United States
Year of Release: 2010

The first feature length film from director Agnieszka Wojtowicz-Vosloo (whose name I hope to never have to type again in my life) is a psychological horror film about a young woman played by Christina Ricci, who ends up in a morgue after a car accident and questions if she is alive or dead while interacting with a rather creepy mortician played by Liam Neeson. Do you like movies that like to play with your mind? If you do, you may possibly love After.Life as that is the entire premises of the film.

We are introduced to a completely unlikable character who we don't really care if she is alive or dead but the film goes back and forth playing with the viewer's head making them wonder if she's alive and being brainwashed into thinking she's dead by a serial killer or if she's dead and interacting with a man who has an ability to speak with the deceased. Oh, and her grieving boyfriend is unable to accept her death and tries to uncover the truth about what happened to her. On paper this sounds like a brilliant idea for a movie but when the entire film consists of an hour and a half worth of constantly switching the viewer's perspective of "OH SHE'S ALIVE", "NO WAIT, SHE'S DEAD", "NOPE, DEFINITELY ALIVE", it grows thin.

There is only so much of such a concept that one can take before they become bored and no longer care, that is the other problem with After.Life. It is not particularly entertaining, there aren't remotely enough scares or even disturbing moments really to make it entertaining in the least bit but there isn't enough depth given to the subject matter to make it much of a thinking movie either. In fact, I received a headache trying to think through this movie as watching it and I suspect others very well may also experience at least some sort of frustration at such an unrelenting gimmick.

The film tries to touch on the concept of getting people to appreciate the time that they have while they're still alive but it never goes further than a few very simple conversations that are immediately undermined by the return to the less than subtle mindscrew the film is based upon. Also, any particular depth and seriousness is also undermined by rather pointless exploitation-esque scenes of Ricci completely naked for no remote plot reason other than forced sex appeal. That's not to say that it's a particularly badly made film, there's nice detail given to all the scenes within the morgue and Liam Neeson's character manages to portray just the absolute perfect balance where we can't tell if he's benevolent or malevolent. The script just focuses too much on messing with the viewer's head instead of actually delivering much of any content from a horror or psychological perspective. I love mindscrew films but not when the mindscrew factor takes over everything else and when taking away it, you have an ultimately shallow film.

However, the mindscrew basis that the film refuses to relent on whatsoever and refuses to give us a definitive answer for at the end of the film is what hurts the film to the point where it becomes slightly obnoxious to watch all the way through. There's definitely potential for Wojtowicz-Vosloo as a director but a more subtle, less forced, and more purposeful piece than After.Life will be necessary.

Rating: 4.5/10

Deadgirl (2008)

Protip: Sex with zombies just isn't a good idea. Now you know.

Directors: Marcel Sarmiento & Gadi Harel
Studio: Hollywoodmade
Genre: Horror
Country of Release: United States
Year of Release: 2008

Just like The Human Centipede this is another independent horror film I've heard a lot about based on the concept itself. And just like The Human Centipede it failed to impress me whatsoever. The basic plot of this movie is that two socially inept and perpetually horny teenage guys find an unconscious, naked woman tied up to a bed in an abandoned building. They discover that she cannot die no matter how much physical abuse she is given. Being the horny and completely unlikable characters they are, they proceed to treat this "undead" girl as their sex slave. Proceed to lots of scenes of these morons having sex with this woman.

The movie actually almost had something interesting to say about the sexual drives of adolescent men and the objectification of women but due to very naive dialogue (consisting heavily of the word "fuck" every other sentence), lack of anything resembling a sympathetic character, and a poor direction that turns it into a typical zombie splatterfest in its last third it manages to not really accomplish anything. The movie itself is visually unappealing and has a sort of grainy quality to it, the only visuals worth noting are the actually not bad at all make-up and scar effects (from all of the abuse that she takes) on the "deadgirl" of the title.

It was truly an interesting idea and an interesting angle to explore but handled with no maturity whatsoever and nothing that makes it into anything but an over-glorified zombie porn. As far as horror and gore goes, there is some decent gore and some tense yet predictable moments but it's so late into the movie and you have to go through so many uninteresting interactions between unlikable characters that it just isn't worth it. The soundtrack actually captures the mood and youth of the main characters well but isn't particularly memorable.

It's about on the same tier as The Human Centipede but I subtracted .5 because The Human Centipede managed to be sorta amusing in a depraved way while Deadgirl is just a dull, wannabe erotic cliche-fest that manages to be potentially offensive to males in its portrayal of us and offensive to women from the sexual abuse portrayed on a "helpless" woman. Interesting concept but totally dead on the inside without the concept (the fact that the movie never actually comments on its own idea and instead just rolls with it is the nail in the coffin that makes me unable to appreciate this one whatsoever).

Rating: 3.5/10

Battle Royale (2000)

"The Right Way To Fight a Battle Royale" by the BR Act Committee. Hello, everyone in Class B! You are the lucky class chosen for this year's Battle Royale. Congratulations! Now, I'm going to explain the rules for you! Listen well to fight right and with gusto. You are on a deserted island that looks like this! Its about 10 kilometers around, but we evacuated everyone, so it's empty!"


Director: Kinji Fukusaku
Studio: Toei
Genre: Action/Drama/Thriller
Country of Release: Japan
Language: Japanese
Year of Release: 2000

Wow sometimes is all you have to say after certain films, just wow. So the Japanese government decides that society is going downhill and decides the best way to fix this is to use the ones they view most responsible for it, the youth. A high school class is selected by random lottery every year to be placed on a deserted island where they're given a random weapon and forced to kill each other until only one is standing. This movie is a masterpiece but gets a bad rep by some as a senseless gorefest. This movie is incredibly violent yet it's somewhat over the top but the violence is used to make the acts more disturbing as you realize these are still just kids being forced to kill their friends and crushes for their own survival.

In a sense, it's a modern day Lord of the Flies meets The Most Dangerous Game. It's a film about the human instinct of survival and preserving one's own life even if it means tainting their innocence forever. It also is a social commentary about how adults can come to fear the youth. However, this is one of its few flaws. The sociopolitical content is made obvious at the beginning of the film but soon disappears and is never really brought up again while this doesn't take away too much from the film it does remove a layer that could have been explained far more and seemed like it had a purpose.

The only other real problem I felt with this film is the pacing is a bit hectic at some points but since this film does have such a large cast of characters (many of who unfortunately never get much development but again, it's understandable) it's a bit more forgivable than some other films for the same thing. The score of the film creates a truly interesting mood as it goes from a classical epic feeling in some scenes to a classical romance feeling in some other scenes which juxtapose nicely with the carnage on screen. The acting is just right where you can believe that these really are high school students (largely because most of the individuals cast are actually around the age of the characters they're portraying).

Overall, Battle Royale is a highly enjoyable film that can be viewed as just an action film but that is completely taking away the philosophical depth and human nature that it presents. It is one of the few times where I've seen violence in a movie that manages to come across as truly entertaining and yet truly saddening at the very same time. Brilliant film from start to finish and highly recommended that it been seen once. Oh also, Quentin Tarantino named it as one of his favorite films in the last 17 years awhile ago. I have to second him on the quality of this one.

Rating: 9/10

Dragonball: Evolution (2009)

KAAAMEEE...HAAAAAAMEEEEEEE...HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

Director: James Wong
Studio: 20th Century Fox
Genre: Fantasy/Action
Country of Release: United States
Year of Release: 2009

Have you ever watched a movie that you knew was terrible but thought you would enjoy it jokingly because it's so bad? That was how I planned to go into Dragonball Evolution, a movie canned by nearly everyone for being utterly horrible. That plan didn't work out so well. Yes, this movie managed to be a huge disappointment even when not being viewing it seriously whatsoever. Now the entire Dragonball franchise was a huge part of my childhood growing up and I'm not one who believes that an adaption can't deviate from it's source material but this movie in no way remotely resembles anything regarding the Dragonball franchise. The plot of the original series has been thrown out the window and replaced with some random coming of age story done in a way that is so full of plotholes and mindnumbingly dumb that there's just no entertainment in it. Some argue that the silliness and inane plot of this movie captures the spirit of manga as an artform, I for one feel that is an insult to mangaka (Japanese for manga authors with manga being Japanese comics) everywhere.

The acting is paltry...just so horrible across the board. There's never really convincing emotion whatsoever. It all feels like it's been poorly read off of a script (which seems like it was written completely devoid of the spirit of the series by someone with ADHD). The actor who portrayed the character Yamcha may very well be the worst portrayal of a supporting character I've seen this decade, yes this entire decade. The plot and fight scenes both are too hectic and horrifically paced to try to follow with the least bit of serious interest (this movie jumps setting so much I gave up trying to follow) and the special effects which many thought were going to be the redeeming grace of this movie look like they were for a Made For TV Movie.

It's hard to believe that a major production studio like Fox Searchlight actually put money and time into this, it is really just that bad. The only possibly redeeming thing is the costumes and the bright tone of the movie does do a decent job of capturing the mood of the series but everything else I found to be paltry to the extreme. Is this a bad adaption of a classic and influential anime/manga series? Yes. Is this a bad movie even if you don't judge it by the source material? Hell Yes.

This is easily one of the worst excuses for an A-List Hollywood Blockbuster attempt I've seen this decade (though I hear The Last Airbender gives it a run for its money). Save your money and time on this one, it's not as fun as it looks like it could have been. It's going to take more than a wish from Shenron to erase this piece of shit from the resume of anyone involved with it whatsoever.

Rating: 2/10

Where the Wild Things Are (2009)

"Inside all of us is a wild thing"

Director: Spike Jonze
Studio: Legendary Pictures, Village Roadshow Pictures, Playtone
Genre: Fantasy
Country of Release: United States/United Kingdom
Year of Release: 2009

Where the Wild Things Are is a well known and well-received children's book that I'm sure many of you are familiar with. In 2009, this classic part of the childhood of many received a film adaption. This is another of those movies that I particularly am interested in due to personal experience/nostalgia.

The film is about an eight year old boy named Max with a particularly active imagination and a not so great relationship with his mother. After a particularly stirring argument, Max leaves home and finds a small boat that he sets out to sea in. He comes across a land where monsters called the Wild Things live and soon he begins a new life with the Wild Things as their friend and their king after he tells them one of the tall tales from his imagination.

The interesting thing about this movie is that even though its an adaption of a children's book, I'm not sure children will really get anything out of this movie. For one, much of the more is dark and contains several thoughtful yet darker notions about the nature of childhood that only an adult would pick-up on. The Wild Things themselves are rather depressing characters who live in a world that is as bland as it is beautiful. The film isn't particularly kinetic enough and not enough happens constantly on screen to retain the interest of those but the most patient and inquisitive of children. It is also perhaps too long for its own good at nearly two hours long, the movie does unfortunately start to drag and loses much of its magic as it goes on.

The Wild Things themselves are amazing detailed, their fur and eyes express enough minute details that they actually appear to be living beings despite being a delicate yet precise combination of puppetry, actors in costumes, animatronics, and CGI. The cinematography is breathtaking but as stated earlier, it is also bland and noticeably empty at several moments. The film was largely shot in various areas of Australia and the landscape scenes are nothing less than the cinematic equivalent of pure beauty. The film is complimented well by a remarkable score by Carter Burwell and a happy yet at the same time sort of morose soundtrack written and performed by Karen O of the band, Yeah Yeah Yeahs (who I absolutely love and think is an amazing vocalist). If there's ever any movie that I would describe as simply aesthetically pleasing and beauty incarnate, this may very well be it.

Despite all of these being things that I have to praise endlessly about the film, the film does have its own shortcomings. The most major is that despite how astonishing I found the details that went into the film, the script seemed a bit empty and devoid of much feeling to me. The movie is visually and aurally gorgeous but the writing of the film came across to me as lacking a lot of the heart that I particularly hoped it would have. The mood of the film also jumps from dark, gloomy, and all around depressing to child-like euphoria back and forth so much that the film becomes an experiment in extreme mood whiplash and dissonance by the end of the film where it reaches its touching yet rather bittersweet in one sense ending. I realize this is a rather subjective criticism but I have found many reviewers tend to agree that these are the critical flaws in the movie that make it harder to rate higher.

Ultimately, Where the Wild Things Are is a movie that is hard to classify if its really a family film at all or a film for adults disheartened with the reality of adulthood and trying to remind us of both the splendor and selfishness of childhood. Its hard to decide if the film really appeals to a wide enough spectrum of any demographics because of its constant change in tone. Still, as I cannot say enough, a beautiful and respectable adaption of a much-beloved part of mine and many others childhoods.

Rating: 7.5/10

Black Dynamite (2009)

"I threw that shit before I even got in the room"

Director: Scott Sanders
Studio: Ars Nova
Genre: Comedy/Action
Country of Release: United States
Release Date: 2009

The 70's were an interesting time that gave us a ton of different kind of film genres for today I'm going to be focusing on none other than Blaxploitation films. Blaxploitation is the term used to refer to films with predominately black casts and they were often action films with themes about protecting the ghetto and stopping "The Man" from having his way with the community and what not. Black Dynamite is a loving tribute, modern example, and hilarious parody/spoof of this past but not forgotten genre of film. The story is about a man known only as Black Dynamite who is an action star and hero of the ghetto who becomes entangled in a nefarious plot to control the black community by The Man through malt liquor and selling drugs through orphanages after his younger brother, Jimmy is shot down. And let me tell, you being the badass that he is, Black Dynamite is not going to stand for that.

The film works on several levels. On one level it is full of jokes that work if one grew up during that time or is a big fan of blaxploitation films with several subtle and not so subtle jokes regarding various films and cliches of the genre. On another level, it is a film that film buffs will find entertaining because there are various jokes regarding film conventions and techniques that are just outright mocked and will make those who catch them chuckle endlessly. On yet level, it is a film that is silly enough on its own that it can be the first blaxploitation style movie you've ever seen and you'll still be entertained and find what occurs on screen to be a comedic triumph. And finally, on a totally different layer than those mentioned previously, while purposefully cheesy it actually does manage to be an entertaining action flick just on the merit of the choreography of its various fight scenes.

Black Dynamite is a film that is definitely made by someone who is familiar with the sort of works that they are spoofing. The film itself looks as if it is directly from the 70's, the music used in the film is exactly the same sort of music used in blaxploitation films and action films of the era (albeit exaggerated to a hilarious degree), there are transitions and cuts that are indicative of a film made in the time, the names, language, and clothing of the characters all give a very strong and pretty accurate 70's feel from what I know of the 70's. The level of detail that went into making this film as accurate to its genre as possible is amazing and shows a remarkable talent in appreciating details in film-making. Also, Black Dynamite's theme may be one of the most memorable character themes since the legendary Issac Hayes' Theme from Shaft.

If there is anything I have to say against the film though, it's that many of the gags and jokes begin to wear thin around the last half an hour or so of the movie. The film starts to feel like it's dragging a bit and several completely outrageous situations occur in the last half an hour that while still entertaining are more "Wait what" than outright laugh out loud funny compared to the rest of the film. Other than that, Black Dynamite sure is one well-made spoof.

Black Dynamite is a film that is going to be remembered in the spoof genre, as it is for all purposes the blaxploitation equivalent of what Shaun of the Dead is to zombie films and Kung Fu Hustle is to martial arts films. If you're in the mood for a good comedy and genre piece, give Black Dynamite a try. I can dig it. Can you dig it?

Rating: 9/10

The Room (2003)

Oh hi there...readers

Director: Tommy Wiseau
Studio: Wiseau-Films
Genre: Drama
Country of Release: United States
Release Date: 2003

The Room is an interesting movie, it is easily one of the worst movies ever possibly conceived and yet it is thoroughly enjoyable the entire time. Director/actor/writer/producer (this is usually never a good sign), Tommy Wiseau's vision is basically a story about an affair between a millionaire (played by Wiseau himself), his fiance, and his best friend. The basic plot of the film is simple but the execution is nothing less than bizarrely flawed. The acting is...well, some of the worst excuse of acting to ever be filmed.

The dialogue is awkward and no one seems to be able to convey the right emotion at any point of the film, everyone acts as if they've had no formal training in acting whatsoever. There are scenes that occur that seem to have no impact on the overall film and do nothing to move the plot along, they seem to exist for literally no reason. The characters themselves are laughable with the main character Johnny basically being as much of a generic perfect character as imaginable (he's rich, everyone talks about how kind he is, and he seems well-liked...the only thing not perfect is his rather creepy physical appearance) and his fiance, Lisa, is described frequently as "beautiful" or "sexy" (the actress portraying her isn't ugly but isn't particularly beautiful) while being not more than a backstabbing slut. The rest of the characters are just as silly.

The soundtrack is hilarious as it consists almost entirely of cheesy R&B songs set to really un-erotic sex scenes that drag on for far too long. There seems to be no sense of proper transitioning in this film as things are added on screen that weren't in previous shots without any sort of explanation as to where they came from. Interestingly enough, there are some scenes where the dialogue appears to be dubbed over the actual actors words and yet then it seems to transition to non-dubbing out of nowhere. Another potentially more interesting thing is that this film had a $6 million budget, no one exactly is sure where most of that went as the film is filmed primarily in one location.

Ultimately, there is essentially nothing good about The Room but that is what is good about The Room...it is a film that is so horrible that it becomes remarkably funny (it's a cult hit entirely because of this view regarding it). Needless to say, I plan to purchase a DVD of this film in the near future and watch it regularly. Everyone should experience The Room at least once just to say you've seen it and enjoy one of the most amazing horrible films to ever exist.

...I feel like this review should be longer yet there's not much to say about The Room as it is generally better for one to experience for themselves.

Rating: 1/10 (But a highly beloved and recommended 1/10)